 | | Ladarius Halton is a graphic design major at UF. |
Welcome to Heaven, er, Question 7...
Don't Leave Home Without It.
Jack left his Gator One card on the bus. His consequences will include:
A. He won't be able to get student discounts around Gainesville.
B. He won't be able to access his vending or dining accounts.
C. He won't be able to play intramural sports or pick up student football tickets.
D. All of the above.
The Answer: D. It'll cost him $15 to get a replacement card. In the meantime, he won't be able to go to the infirmary, vote in student government elections, use computer labs, check out books from the library, pickup football tickets, take tests in some of his classes...He'll be a pariah to the community.
Life is great with Question 8...
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.
Jack decides it would be cool to paint "Hey ladies, call Jack at" and his phone number on the 34th Street wall. If his artwork attracts the attention of police officers instead of hot babes, he'll have to:
A. Paint over his masterpiece.
B. Do nothing but practice the lines he'll use on the women.
C. Pick up the trash on 34th Street.
D. Use the money he would spend on a date to pay his fine.
The Answer: B. Painting the graffiti wall earns you no penalty, although it is highly suggested that you don't paint over the memorial area. Some things are just more important than getting a date on Friday night.
Water's fine, it's Question 9...
Drive and Dive.
It sure would be nice if there was a place on campus where Jack could go wake boarding, windsurfing, fishing, swimming and canoeing for free. Which location fits this description?
A. Lake Wauburg
B. Lake Alice
C. The pond outside the Reitz Union.
D. Lake Gator.
The Answer: A. As long as he isn't planning on relaxing there on a Monday, because the lake is closed then. Although it's kind of a stretch to call something eight miles away part of campus, it's probably best not to complain about free fun things.
Here we go again, Question 10...
No Leisure Suit Required.
Jack decides to expand his extracurricular horizons by taking a leisure course at the Reitz Union. Which course is not available to Jack?
A. Expedition Dog Packing
B. Tattooing for Fun and Profit
C. Beer Homebrewing
D. Adventures in Belly Dancing
The Answer: B. If you want a tattoo, leave it to the professionals. Brewing beer will require Jack to be of age, and he needs a dog for Dog Packing. Let's hope Jack doesn't want to take belly dancing.
Yes, it's unleavened, Question 11...
An Apple a Day.
Jack has been watching hospital dramas, and now he's paranoid that he's developed various diseases and disorders. Which form of on-campus health care is NOT free?
A. Counseling
B. Mental-health services
C. Physical therapy
D. Dental care
The Answer: D. Even getting your pearly whites examined is pretty inexpensive at Shands. Of course, you'll save even more by investing in floss and some toothpaste.
Let's delve into Question 12...
So Many Lawyers, So Few Honest Ones.
For which of the following can you NOT get assistance from Student Legal Services?
A. You have a dispute with your nasty landlord.
B. You receive a disciplinary violation from the Division of Housing.
C. You get a ticket for violating the open-container law.
D. You can't get your security deposit back when you leave your apartment.
The Answer: B. Should have thought twice before you turned the dorm's hallway into a roller derby, eh?
Remember the sunscreen, it's Question 13...
Is That a Glow Stick in Your Pants?
Jack's roommate brought an ancient hand-me-down microwave that sparks every time he nukes anything, even a bag of popcorn. Jack should probably ask his roomie to get rid of the microbeast, but what can he do in the meantime?
A. Visit the free nuclear testing center, where he can check his person and other items for radioactivity.
B. Chuck it out the window while his new pal is at class.
C. Duct tape, duct tape, duct tape.
D. Do nothing and risk infertility.
The Answer: A. Call William G. Vernetson at the University of Florida Training Reactor (392-1408) to test anything for mutant-glow potential. Um, well, maybe not that. And watch out for UF's on-campus nuclear reactor located near the Nuclear Science Building while your at it.
Almost done!....
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