 | | Nathaniel Finley is an African history major at UF. |
You've seen the computer game hosted by that bald guy. You may think you know all there is to know about Gatorville. Whether you're a freshman memorizing the student handbook, or a senior measuring your head for that mortarboard, we think our oh-so-clever game spoof just might prove...
by Denise Ryan
Photos by Beth Britt
Ready for fun? It's Question 1…
Mo' Money, Mo' Problems.
Jack arrives at UF and wants his financial aid and scholarship checks. How long does he have to wait?
A. He doesn't. They will be waiting for him at his dorm or apartment when he arrives.
B. One to four weeks.
C. Until hell freezes over.
D. Until the end of the semester.
The Answer: B. You didn't need that money right now for books, supplies or food, did you? In most cases, the cash is delivered after drop/add week. We highly recommend that you get direct deposit for quicker access. Just fill out an easy form at Criser Hall.
Get a clue with Question 2…
Taking the Gator Bait.
It's game day, and Jack wants to make extra money by scalping his football tickets to some fans who came all the way from Alaska in their "Swampmobile." If these far-flung Gator fans are actually undercover police officers, Jack may spend his Saturday:
A. At the mall, spending the money he made.
B. In jail.
C. Raking leaves to earn back the money he had to pay for his fine.
D. At home for the rest of the season, since he will never again be allowed into a football game at UF.
The Answer: C. If he charges more than a buck more than than the amount he paid for them, that is. The usual punishment for a first offense is a fine that can vary greatly in price. but if he were to continue doing this, his consequences could include jail time up to one year or community service. Seems it would be a lot more fun for Jack to just go watch the Gators himself.
Whoopee, it's Question 3...
To-go Cups and Cops
Jack has seen Mom and Dad toss back brewskis at many a pre-football game tailgater. So when he leaves with a to-go cup from a frat party during Rush Week, all those flashing blue lights surprise him. How long will the open-container violation stay on his UF record?
A. Only as long as the misdemeanor is on his criminal record.
B. It disappears after he "volunteers" 100 hours at the local soup kitchen.
C. Forever. And ever.
D. As long as it takes to receive financial aid.
The Answer: C. Jack discovers the University Police Department's Double-Standard Open Container Law. It states, "Those individuals caught with an open container on campus who contribute large sums of money to the university, or who are over 40 and visiting during game days will never be questioned about boldly displaying a Budweiser bottle." Apparently, getting into Harvard Law School will be harder than Jack thought.
Here's one more, question 4…
Walking the Line.
Jack went Gator Stomping and now he's had way too much to drink. At closing time, he should probably:
A. Get a ride with the girl he's been drinking shots with.
B. Use the Later Gator bus service to get home.
C. Start walking.
D. Spend the rest of his money on a taxi ride.
The Answer: B. The cab driver might take advantage of Jack's inebriated state and take him the really long way home, meter running all the way. Instead, free Later Gator buses run from 9:30 p.m. to 3 a.m. on Thursday through Saturday.
Ain't no jive, it's Question 5...
Those Damn Yellow Envelopes.
After a night of blissful co-habitation at his girlfriend's dorm room (a Division of Housing no-no), Jack oversleeps and doesn't move his improperly decaled car before UPD slips a ticket under his wiper blade. What are his options?
A. Trekking up North-South Drive to the Transportation and Parking Services offices to pay it before 20 business days go by.
B. Simply appealing the ticket on-line, duh.
C. Waiting to pay it until he has to add on an extra $25 to have the infamous boot removed from his rear wheel tire.
D. All of the above.
The Answer: D. Obviously, we advise that Jack use B. The easy form can be found by going to www.bsd.ufl.edu, then clicking on Transportation and Parking Services. In addition, Jack might note that the cheapest fines can be found in metered parking spaces, only $5 instead of $15.
Jack likes chicks and Question 6...
Wrap that Rascal.
Now that Jack's shacking up with his woman, they're going to need some protection. Unfortunately, Jack and Jill are too shy to ask their parents for the funds. What to do?
A. Break up. Poor kids.
B. Write an e-mail request to President Lombardi, who might award them a special-needs grant.
C. Get free condoms and low-cost pills at the Infirmary.
D. Get jobs already, so they can afford the expensive birth-control options at the Infirmary.
The answer: C. Jack can pick up 10 discreetly enveloped condoms for absolutely free at the third-floor Health Education Center. Whereas, Jill can get up to four packs of pills at a time for about $9 each, once she has her annual check-up.
You're doing great! Keep going....
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