David Schipper

As my clock runs down to zero, I look back at the years I have spent in Gainesville with no idea how I made it.

The first-period hangover, the paper that was due the only day I decided to attend class, the many tests I scraped by on with help from above.

My time in Gainesville has been real. It's been fun. But before I shed a tear for this place, I have to let you know the most important piece of information I learned.

Everywhere you look, you see an advertisement for the best sandwiches in Gainesville. From the "original New York" to "Philly's best," they are all misnomers. Hands down, the best sub to ever land is from the good old Publix on Archer. Funny ladies, Boar's Head meat and the widest variety of thirst quenchers (it is a supermarket) propel this hero to the top of the sub chain. But beware, choose the right sandwich artist or you might be eating a mustard sandwich instead of a turkey one.

Just trying to make a dollar out of what makes cents.

Jason Backlund

"Should I take my clothes off now?" she asked.

Oh my god. Yes! Please take ...

Wait. Let me back up.

Early on, someone had the idea of doing a story about a student stripper. David and I mulled over this decision for several arduous seconds. Despite our reservations, the staff convinced us that this article was of paramount importance. It then came time to shoot the photos. We all agreed on the obvious choice for a location -- my house. So there we were -- the stripper, my roommate (who got the lap dance), the photographer, and me -- making Orange & Blue a better magazine.

"Should I take my clothes off now?"

If that makes you happy my dear, go ahead.

And she did. Our models posed, and after a few clicks on the digital camera, our photographer, an ardent professional, reviewed the first shots and said, "Perhaps we should try to get a little less coochie." Probably not a bad idea.

Suddenly, amid all the fun, something occurred to me: I never thanked mom and dad for sending me off to college.

r

Rant: I want to give a shout out ot all the superiority complexes that hail form a certain "independent," student-run newspaper.

Rant: Pasta Chicken Louisianne minus the chicken from Harry's -- so cheap, so good.

Rant: I was told college is about "I.Q." It's about "I Will." UF proved that statement for me.

Rave: The Student Government computer lab (Third floor of the Reitz Union) for the use of free printing.

Rant: Just because some girls like to be groped at clubs does not mean all girls do. Unless there's a sign on my butt that says, "touch me," please stay away.

Rant: Is it necessary to turn off traffic lights after sporting events so that GPD and ASO can "better" control traffic?

Rave: The Gainesville music scene. I've made a lot of friends by just going to shows and enjoying the rock music. Great experiences.

Rant: Class comedians (keep it to yourself ... PLEASE, you're not funny). Motorists who ignore bicyclists. The extreme overuse of cellular phones.

Not pictured Jesselyn Long, Ad Director